The Day I Became a Special Needs Mom

Today, I became a special needs mom. There's something about a diagnosis that somehow changes everything. Between the hours of two and four o'clock today, nothing about Little Man changed, yet our world did.

His behaviors and functioning were the same yesterday as they were today...but today he is autistic. The A word. It rocks you. It shakes you in a way you would never imagine.

Looking at my boy before his evaluation, I already knew everything they were going to say. Sensory issues galore. Little to no eye contact. Severe speech delays. And the tantrums. I knew the words were coming before an evaluation was even referred. Yet today when the words left the doctors mouth, I froze.

All of the questions I had planned to ask when they gave me the diagnosis were lost. I just sat there. I nodded and agreed to all the things they listed about my boy. About my autistic son.

In a way, hearing it spoken out loud, helped me. For months, we have been in a place of what ifs and how do we's . This gives us so much clarity. You guys, I am going to be able to learn how to parent my kid. To be able to get him the therapies he needs to function. All I can think about is how, maybe just maybe, someday soon other kids will actually want to play with him.

Seeing your child struggle through the days is heart wrenching. Knowing that there is a reason for it brings a little relief. In no way are we wanting to label him or put him in a box. We know how big our God is. We know He will use this.

I feel like such a scattered mess. Half of me is heart broken. My sweet boy, he will live every day in a way that I cannot even imagine. I can try to grasp it and do my best to understand but I never really will. His life will be a little harder because of this. Our lives will be too. I feel so selfish saying that but it will be. From speech therapy to OT and ABA therapy, there will be hours spent.

On the other side, this boy radiates joy. He is the sweetest little love bug. He is worth every struggle and every minute spent.

I know that this diagnosis does not limit what he can do or who he can be. It means work but not boudries. It means struggles but not limitations. Being special needs does not put him on a specific path, we just need to figure out what route to take.

We are ready to put in the work to see little man blossom. I would be lying to say I wasn't a little relieved. His autism means I wasn't failing as his mom. Although before today I didn't know I was an autism mom, I was in the trenches, with no guidelines, no idea how to parent this child. It is not an easy place to be. To doubt everything you do because you aren't sure if you are disciplining your child for something that they truly can't control. Forcing them to do things that scare or overwhelm them. Now I know and now I can learn what he needs and how he needs it.

{image source}

....Before I ever gathered the courage to publish this post, are worlds got shook up more than ever before. The phone rang. A call I wasn't prepared to answer. "Mrs. Murphy, we have received the lab work back. Although most things came back negative. We do have one abnormality..." This is the moment that the room starts spinning and the words sound like a muffled slow motion mess. "There is a chromosome loss. His loss is indicating Cri-Du-Chat. A rare genetic disorder found in 1 in 50,000 children"

How can this even be possible? How can one child be dealt so many bad hands? One moment we were fine. The next we are finding out just how much of a challenge his life could actually be. We are trusting in God to give us guidance and answers and miracles. We are ready for this rain to stop and the blessings to shine.

There is no doubt in my mind that this is a life, that although hard, will be full of blessings. We have already seen so many little things that show us how God's hand has been in Little Man's life from day one, even as he was in his birth mother's womb. Many things we cannot share because of him being a foster placement. 

One thing I cannot get past is the location of his chromosome loss. Had it been anywhere else in the area where Cri-Du-Chat is located, he would have had a cat like cry. They would have known of this disorder from birth. They did not. This disorder puts him in a special needs category that we said we could not handle. We would have never received a placement call for him when he was detained. He was meant to be our child, regardless of whether we thought we could handle it or not. We had a plan but our God is bigger and His plans are far more beautiful.  I did not sign up for special needs adoption. In fact, I set limitations on it. But today, I am a special needs mom and it doesn't look anything like what I imagined.

Motherhood: A Rewarding Challenge

“This shop is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Weave Made Media® and Lifeway Kefir, but all my opinions are my own. #weavemade # http://my-disclosur.es/RgFrEH”

With Mother's Day approaching, I have been thinking a lot about what it has meant to me to be a mom. Since, having my daughter my life has changed drastically and has altered more and more with each additional child. So what have all of these changes meant to me?

The first thing that usually comes to mind is that it is the hardest job that I have ever had but also the most rewarding. I wake up early(ish) and go to bed late. I don't get a lunch break, most days I don't even get a lunch. Unless you count the kids left over sandwich crust. The to do list never ends but only grows. The laundry and dishes resemble my to do list as they stack up higher and higher. While I face the chaos though, I get to watch them grow and learn. I get to witness and be a part of every little milestone and it is overwhelmingly beautiful and oh so worth it all.

My aunt told me the other day that "this season goes by so fast but you will feel every minute of it". Her words could not have been more true. We can already see it in the short years we have been through. I swear I just brought Rhiannon home from the hospital and she is 5 and we have three more. How has it sped by so much, yet felt like it would never end at times? The time is rushing by but we are feeling it. It is pretty amazing. Like I said, it is hard but so rewarding.

The feelings of being overwhelmed, in both the challenges and the joy of motherhood, are just the surface of how I feel about motherhood. Deep down, the true feeling that is stirring inside of me is honor. I am so honored to be their mama. I am so honored that God has entrusted ME with these kids. To raise them. To care for them. To keep them healthy and safe.

Raising kids today can be scary. Forget about the violence and just plain terrifying things that face us out there in this world. Simply what enters our home can be scary. There's so many diseases, chemicals in our food, things we just didn't have to worry about when we were growing up. Or maybe we just didn't know about them yet. Either way, this is a scary time to be raising kids. And to think, I am being trusted to care for 4 kids. Wow. It is such an honor to be a mom.

I am taking the privilege seriously and doing what I can to make sure I do the best I can to protect them. We try to eat as healthy as we can. As much organic, healthy food as possible. With the occasional junk because we are human. We filter what enters our home, on the TV and Radio, but also when it comes to healthy families (both physically and what kind of junk they bring with them). We need to be careful what we expose our kids to but also make sure they are exposed enough to shine their little lights. We use essential oils instead of the usual medications...and only feel a little bit like hippies because of it.

Recently we began purchasing LifeWay Kefir ProBugs. They are a great way to add probiotics into our little one's diets without them fighting us. The kids love them. They are delicious, the baby steals them and I had to go back to buy the Lowfat Kefir Probiotics. Beyond the taste and feeling like I should get an award based on the kids reactions when I give them to them, I feel like this is just one more step in making sure I am doing everything I can to take care of the little lives that I am responsible for.

I will never be the perfect mom. I fail daily and am teaching my kids to forgive with each mistake I make. I am learning along the way. With each day comes a new challenge and a new reward. I am so excited to see what the next stage brings. I know I will be tested and tried but this journey is one that I wouldn't give up for anything.

I would love to hear about your life as a mommy. So comment, tell me, what is your biggest trial or biggest reward as a mom?

Learn more about Lifeway Kefir

Website | Twitter | Facebook

Yo Gabba Gabba Birthday

A few weeks ago, Little Man turned 2. It has gone by so fast. I feel like we just had his 1st Birthday Party. It has indeed been a year though. This years party was more low profile since he can't handle the crowds as well.

I have also decided that all birthdays, other than the big ones (one, five, ten, sixteen) will be done a little more simplistic. Talon's last birthday was rough on me, I tried smaller and hated it, you can read about that here. For Little Man's party, I feel like I found my place. I still stuck to the more handmade, personalized feel but incorporated some store bought and simple accents. I loved it. And Little man...well, we still have a few decorations up. We are having to gradually move things.

The theme this year was Yo Gabba Gabba. He is obsessed and we couldn't think of anything he would love more.

 We stuck with bright colors. Trying to only use the colors of the characters. Purchased the pinwheels pre-made (just needed to be fanned out) from party city. It helped to keep a handmade look without the extra work.

The party was later in the day, planned around nap time, so we only served snacks and desserts. My goodness did that save us time. I am usually in the kitchen for hours on party days. This party was all prepped the day before.

Added in some balloons and character decorations and we were set. It was a hit with little man. 

 Oh, and his favorite part? Yo Gabba Gabba logo on the chalk wall. It's the little things I guess.