Setting my Worries Aside

Today was not a great day. It started off so terribly. On our way to VBS (Vacation Bible School), the car overheated. The only car that fits our family. It was frustrating and we almost just turned around.

So many little things have happened this week and they've added up to be bigger. Do you ever have days or weeks like that? Nothing huge happens but the stack of little things amount to something so much more?

On my way to pick the kids up from VBS I told my mother in law "something big is going to happen in my kids this week because the enemy clearly does not want them here".

People! Are you ready for my big?

Okay, so let's back track a little here. Our 3 year old has autism. If you've been around here for a while you know that. Do you all know a lot about autism though? I still really don't fully understand what it means. I mean, it is really something different for every kid, so how can we really comprehend it?

For our little guy, it means lots of things. Some things are harder than others. A really hard aspect for us is relationship. Nixon desires to be social but doesn't always get it.  I mean he has come a long way but he still is at a loss in a lot of areas. 

He has a hard time reading emotion. He can mimic and makes an attempt to piece together the faces we show him on flash cards to real life emotion. He tries playing with other kids but doesn't really grasp friendships or relationships.

Seeing your child struggle to make connections and wondering if he will ever really have friends is hard. What is harder and scarier though is wondering if he will ever comprehend God. If he struggles with relationships when people are right in front of him, how will he ever understand a God who he cannot see? How do we teach him about the love of our savior if he doesn't even understand our love? We worry and pray about it often. 

Enough back story now. Back to the "big" thing. As I asked the kids about what they had learned today, before the others could respond, Nixon belts out "Jesus". This is like the go to answer for kids in church but not THIS kid. His answer was a big deal. It gets bigger though. Surprised, I say "What about Jesus?" and proud as can be, yet totally nonchalantly he says "he my friend". Say what? That's right you guys, his friend!

Do I think that he really understands? I don't know. I think as much as a 3 year old can, he does. What I am realizing though is this: God does not have the boundaries that we do. He does not operate in the same ways that we do. He can penetrate the heart of a child whose brain may not understand. How silly are we to limit God?

How often do I fear the unknown and doubt what God can do? Why do we insist on telling God what He can do? 

It is time to stop worrying and trust that God has this. I encourage you all, whatever is burdening you today, hand it over. Don't give up or count it as a loss so quickly. God is there. He has always been there. Even when we doubt. Even when we fear. He is there, ready to carry our burden and worry and sorrow for us. He WILL meet us where we are. As He is doing for Nixon, he will work around the things that hold us back. We just have to be willing to listen, to wait, to trust Him. 

Can we all do that? And can you remind me tomorrow when my worry creeps back in? 

Five Tips for Helping Special Needs Kids Adjust During Life Changes

Life changes can be so difficult for kids. Add in special needs and even a good change can become somewhat traumatic. Preparation and accessibility to essentials can be key to making a life change easier to adjust to.

After our recent move went much smoother than we anticipated, I thought I would put together a list of things that worked for us and our little guy. By no means did things go 100% perfectly but his struggles were minuet. We had a few days of him crying that he wanted to go home but in the grand scheme of it all, it went remarkably well. I attribute the success that we did have to some tips we were given and some previous training tools that we implemented.

**Although the things we did were directed towards helping our 3 year old who has autism, it helped with all of our kids, autism and Nuero-typical alike.**

1. Inform of change as soon as possible. For us, it was selling our house and moving to a new home. For others it could be going from one school to the next, having a new sibling, losing a loved one...the possibilities are endless. Whatever the change is, let them know sooner than later. Give them time to adjust and talk about it a lot. If the change is a positive one, help them get excited about it.
For example, we showed Nixon pictures of the new house almost daily, talked to him about his new room and let him know what to expect when he got there. He was able to pick a theme so we talked about his "new monster room" whenever we got the chance. There was no element of surprise. He knew what to expect and when the change was coming.

2. Set the Rules and Remind them often. At least for my kiddo, being proactive is always more effective than correcting and bringing him back from a meltdown. Let them know what is expected of them. When triggers come about remind them of the rule and/or be prepared to intervene. This step can seem tedious but has always worked well in his ABA therapy. It has worked well during our transition as well.

A simple example for us is our stairs. Nixon is a sensory seeker, which means he will get a thrill out of jumping off as many stairs as possible, all while risking injury or giving me a heart attack. He was told right away that he could walk down slowly or crawl on his belly. As he approaches the stairs we simply ask "would you like to walk or crawl?". He knows the choice is his but there are only two options. Mind you he still jumps off the bottom 2 when he thinks I'm not looking. It's a work in progress.

3. As I mentioned before, keep necessities accessible. Whether everything is going to be packed or you will be away from the home a lot, it may be crucial to have certain items handy as much as possible. Special blankets, toys and comfort items can be placed in a separate bag that is grabbed last minute or always thrown in the car and ready when needed.

4. Keep up on routines or schedules as much as you can. There is already so much change happening, if you can keep some normalcy in life, do it! We are not super strict schedule people and that works okay for our little ones. We do, however, use visual schedules throughout our day so that he always knows what is going to happen. Even though our days are always different, he can see what is coming and when. 

He even gets to help lay out parts of the day, which is incredibly motivating for him. On top of just motivating them, giving them back a little control over their world when everything is changing can be a huge help.

5. Lastly, Be willing to make adjustments as you go. Kids all react differently. Goodness, kids change so much daily that they sometimes don't even seem like the same kid from one day to the next. If something isn't working, don't get discouraged. Be okay to make changes where needed. Consistency is key with kids but we also need to know when something is not right for our children. Parenting if tough but you've got this.

Remember, you know your child best. What works for us may not work for your family and that's okay. And of course, cover them in prayer. God has got it in His hands, when we feel like we can't do it anymore, He will take it from there. We are never alone in this.

I would love to hear from some of you on what tips you would give to help out another mama. Leave a comment and let us know.

This is our Autism

A few days ago I stumbled upon  this post. I was hesitant to even read it because I was so sick of everyone telling me what autism is "supposed to look like". Our son does not fit in the box that most people see as autism.

The post was talking about just that. It made me feel so much better to know that in fact, my child is not the only one who isn't like every other autistic child. In fact, as the saying goes "if you've met one child with autism, you have met one child with autism".




What does autism look like in our house?

It is jumping when he is nervous or overstimulated or excited or scared. Something we now know is called stemming and makes him feel better. Even if it's dangerous while walking through a parking lot or jars my back for the umpteenth time.

It's taking selfies over and over because he gets excited that he can finally see what mommy means when she tells him to make a happy face or any type of emotion on his face.




It's a routine that can't be broken. A person who is only good for the job he has associated with them.

It's hours of therapies and time taken away from normalcy. Mommy guilt galore as I have to dedicate the extra hours to one child.

It's chasing him down halls or aisles or beaches or anywhere because he runs and he doesn't respond to his name.

It's letting a two year old play on an iPad and hearing the whispers of all the things people wouldn't let their kids do...when really they have no clue.

It requires holding him down or putting him in his crib or stroller so that he can't bang his head on the floor anymore. So that he can't hit anymore. So everyone is safe.

It is fearing he will fall when he climbs high just to jump down. Or when he does everything in his power to get his face under water. Or wants to put everything in his mouth.

It's celebrating when he says a new word. Clapping when he can feed himself with a spoon. Happy Dancing when he plays with his peers and they don't exclude him.

His autism looks different then the kid sitting next to him. Our journeys and battles and triumphs are so different yet so alike.

The Day I Became a Special Needs Mom

Today, I became a special needs mom. There's something about a diagnosis that somehow changes everything. Between the hours of two and four o'clock today, nothing about Little Man changed, yet our world did.

His behaviors and functioning were the same yesterday as they were today...but today he is autistic. The A word. It rocks you. It shakes you in a way you would never imagine.

Looking at my boy before his evaluation, I already knew everything they were going to say. Sensory issues galore. Little to no eye contact. Severe speech delays. And the tantrums. I knew the words were coming before an evaluation was even referred. Yet today when the words left the doctors mouth, I froze.

All of the questions I had planned to ask when they gave me the diagnosis were lost. I just sat there. I nodded and agreed to all the things they listed about my boy. About my autistic son.

In a way, hearing it spoken out loud, helped me. For months, we have been in a place of what ifs and how do we's . This gives us so much clarity. You guys, I am going to be able to learn how to parent my kid. To be able to get him the therapies he needs to function. All I can think about is how, maybe just maybe, someday soon other kids will actually want to play with him.

Seeing your child struggle through the days is heart wrenching. Knowing that there is a reason for it brings a little relief. In no way are we wanting to label him or put him in a box. We know how big our God is. We know He will use this.

I feel like such a scattered mess. Half of me is heart broken. My sweet boy, he will live every day in a way that I cannot even imagine. I can try to grasp it and do my best to understand but I never really will. His life will be a little harder because of this. Our lives will be too. I feel so selfish saying that but it will be. From speech therapy to OT and ABA therapy, there will be hours spent.

On the other side, this boy radiates joy. He is the sweetest little love bug. He is worth every struggle and every minute spent.

I know that this diagnosis does not limit what he can do or who he can be. It means work but not boudries. It means struggles but not limitations. Being special needs does not put him on a specific path, we just need to figure out what route to take.

We are ready to put in the work to see little man blossom. I would be lying to say I wasn't a little relieved. His autism means I wasn't failing as his mom. Although before today I didn't know I was an autism mom, I was in the trenches, with no guidelines, no idea how to parent this child. It is not an easy place to be. To doubt everything you do because you aren't sure if you are disciplining your child for something that they truly can't control. Forcing them to do things that scare or overwhelm them. Now I know and now I can learn what he needs and how he needs it.

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....Before I ever gathered the courage to publish this post, are worlds got shook up more than ever before. The phone rang. A call I wasn't prepared to answer. "Mrs. Murphy, we have received the lab work back. Although most things came back negative. We do have one abnormality..." This is the moment that the room starts spinning and the words sound like a muffled slow motion mess. "There is a chromosome loss. His loss is indicating Cri-Du-Chat. A rare genetic disorder found in 1 in 50,000 children"

How can this even be possible? How can one child be dealt so many bad hands? One moment we were fine. The next we are finding out just how much of a challenge his life could actually be. We are trusting in God to give us guidance and answers and miracles. We are ready for this rain to stop and the blessings to shine.

There is no doubt in my mind that this is a life, that although hard, will be full of blessings. We have already seen so many little things that show us how God's hand has been in Little Man's life from day one, even as he was in his birth mother's womb. Many things we cannot share because of him being a foster placement. 

One thing I cannot get past is the location of his chromosome loss. Had it been anywhere else in the area where Cri-Du-Chat is located, he would have had a cat like cry. They would have known of this disorder from birth. They did not. This disorder puts him in a special needs category that we said we could not handle. We would have never received a placement call for him when he was detained. He was meant to be our child, regardless of whether we thought we could handle it or not. We had a plan but our God is bigger and His plans are far more beautiful.  I did not sign up for special needs adoption. In fact, I set limitations on it. But today, I am a special needs mom and it doesn't look anything like what I imagined.

Shop Update: Passion Project

Today we are launching a new product. One that I think of as my passion project. One that will help kids with special needs. One that will give to charity. One that I have anxiously awaited sharing until I knew that it was exactly as I envisioned it.

I'd like to introduce you to the Vessel Handmade Weighted Blanket.

Beyond the pretty fabrics on this specific blanket. Further than the lush minky backing. This blanket serves a purpose. Weighted blankets have shown useful in helping kids with autism, sensory disorder, ADHD, as well as babies that have been drug exposed. For those of you who know our story with Little Man, you know how dear I hold this product.

We will be starting out with two general sizes and varying weights. As interest or demand grows, we will move on to other sizes as well. Weights will be decided on by you, according to the person using the blankets.

As far as fabrics go, we are calling it Semi-Custom. Custom because I will allow the buyer to give ideas, color schemes or themes. Only Semi because as much as I would love to promise exactly what you are envisioning, it can be very hard to locate fabrics to fit everyone's dream design.

The layout, I will work with you to an extent on a style of quilt you would like. More extravagant layouts may require additional fees but in the same sense, if you want something more simplistic, I will work with you on pricing in that regard.

As I said, the blankets listed for now will all be semi-custom. I am however working on a way to do some cost effective blankets. We have seen first hand the difference a weighted blanket can make but they can get expensive. I will be finding basic flannel fabrics and doing one fabric on each side to offer a more inexpensive option for those who need it.

To sweeten the blankets just a little more, a portion of all proceeds will be donated to TACA (Talk About Curing Autism). To learn more about TACA, visit them at tacanow.org

If you are interested in purchasing a weighted blanket of your own, simply click here to get started.