Adoption Celebration

Can I just say it one more time? Adoption rocks and we know first hand because we finally got to finalize on our sweet guy. I don't know how many times I can say that before it gets old. I don't think it ever will. We were so excited to celebrate our Little Man.

Through the couple years leading up to it, we had so much support. Beyond our greatest expectation, friends and family stepped up to support us from day one. We were blessed with clothing and formula and basic essentials when he came to us. You never know how to prepare for a foster child until they arrive. There is no way to know what to expect, so once we had him, people rose up and brought supplies.

Since his birth parents were out of the picture in the beginning, when they finally came forward, we were shook pretty hard. Reunification is always the goal in foster care but when it appears to be an adoption, your world is rocked when it looks like it may not be. People came to us and prayed over us...for whatever may happen, that Nixon would be protected.

When things kept stalling, when the process took too long, our support system lifted us up. Assured us that he was ours and that these were just technicalities. They pushed us through when we felt like we were stuck.

Then came the autism diagnosis. We went from a simple, time consuming adoption (with a child who was just a little challenging) to being in the middle of a special needs adoption. Once again, we were met where we were at. We were given advice and resources and safe places to play and be real without worry or judgement.

We did NOT go through this journey alone. We went through it with friends. With many of you. So it felt silly to celebrate alone. We knew it had to be done with the people who went through it with us.

Once again, our people showed up...and kept showing up. The amount of people who came to celebrate our family being official was insane. Even the ones who couldn't make it flooded our phones with calls and texts. The same people who cried during our heartaches, shared our tears of joy.

I cannot begin to put into words how blessed we are by it all. You guys, the ones who keep showing up. The ones who keep pouring into our life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

This is our Autism

A few days ago I stumbled upon  this post. I was hesitant to even read it because I was so sick of everyone telling me what autism is "supposed to look like". Our son does not fit in the box that most people see as autism.

The post was talking about just that. It made me feel so much better to know that in fact, my child is not the only one who isn't like every other autistic child. In fact, as the saying goes "if you've met one child with autism, you have met one child with autism".




What does autism look like in our house?

It is jumping when he is nervous or overstimulated or excited or scared. Something we now know is called stemming and makes him feel better. Even if it's dangerous while walking through a parking lot or jars my back for the umpteenth time.

It's taking selfies over and over because he gets excited that he can finally see what mommy means when she tells him to make a happy face or any type of emotion on his face.




It's a routine that can't be broken. A person who is only good for the job he has associated with them.

It's hours of therapies and time taken away from normalcy. Mommy guilt galore as I have to dedicate the extra hours to one child.

It's chasing him down halls or aisles or beaches or anywhere because he runs and he doesn't respond to his name.

It's letting a two year old play on an iPad and hearing the whispers of all the things people wouldn't let their kids do...when really they have no clue.

It requires holding him down or putting him in his crib or stroller so that he can't bang his head on the floor anymore. So that he can't hit anymore. So everyone is safe.

It is fearing he will fall when he climbs high just to jump down. Or when he does everything in his power to get his face under water. Or wants to put everything in his mouth.

It's celebrating when he says a new word. Clapping when he can feed himself with a spoon. Happy Dancing when he plays with his peers and they don't exclude him.

His autism looks different then the kid sitting next to him. Our journeys and battles and triumphs are so different yet so alike.

The Day I Became a Special Needs Mom

Today, I became a special needs mom. There's something about a diagnosis that somehow changes everything. Between the hours of two and four o'clock today, nothing about Little Man changed, yet our world did.

His behaviors and functioning were the same yesterday as they were today...but today he is autistic. The A word. It rocks you. It shakes you in a way you would never imagine.

Looking at my boy before his evaluation, I already knew everything they were going to say. Sensory issues galore. Little to no eye contact. Severe speech delays. And the tantrums. I knew the words were coming before an evaluation was even referred. Yet today when the words left the doctors mouth, I froze.

All of the questions I had planned to ask when they gave me the diagnosis were lost. I just sat there. I nodded and agreed to all the things they listed about my boy. About my autistic son.

In a way, hearing it spoken out loud, helped me. For months, we have been in a place of what ifs and how do we's . This gives us so much clarity. You guys, I am going to be able to learn how to parent my kid. To be able to get him the therapies he needs to function. All I can think about is how, maybe just maybe, someday soon other kids will actually want to play with him.

Seeing your child struggle through the days is heart wrenching. Knowing that there is a reason for it brings a little relief. In no way are we wanting to label him or put him in a box. We know how big our God is. We know He will use this.

I feel like such a scattered mess. Half of me is heart broken. My sweet boy, he will live every day in a way that I cannot even imagine. I can try to grasp it and do my best to understand but I never really will. His life will be a little harder because of this. Our lives will be too. I feel so selfish saying that but it will be. From speech therapy to OT and ABA therapy, there will be hours spent.

On the other side, this boy radiates joy. He is the sweetest little love bug. He is worth every struggle and every minute spent.

I know that this diagnosis does not limit what he can do or who he can be. It means work but not boudries. It means struggles but not limitations. Being special needs does not put him on a specific path, we just need to figure out what route to take.

We are ready to put in the work to see little man blossom. I would be lying to say I wasn't a little relieved. His autism means I wasn't failing as his mom. Although before today I didn't know I was an autism mom, I was in the trenches, with no guidelines, no idea how to parent this child. It is not an easy place to be. To doubt everything you do because you aren't sure if you are disciplining your child for something that they truly can't control. Forcing them to do things that scare or overwhelm them. Now I know and now I can learn what he needs and how he needs it.

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....Before I ever gathered the courage to publish this post, are worlds got shook up more than ever before. The phone rang. A call I wasn't prepared to answer. "Mrs. Murphy, we have received the lab work back. Although most things came back negative. We do have one abnormality..." This is the moment that the room starts spinning and the words sound like a muffled slow motion mess. "There is a chromosome loss. His loss is indicating Cri-Du-Chat. A rare genetic disorder found in 1 in 50,000 children"

How can this even be possible? How can one child be dealt so many bad hands? One moment we were fine. The next we are finding out just how much of a challenge his life could actually be. We are trusting in God to give us guidance and answers and miracles. We are ready for this rain to stop and the blessings to shine.

There is no doubt in my mind that this is a life, that although hard, will be full of blessings. We have already seen so many little things that show us how God's hand has been in Little Man's life from day one, even as he was in his birth mother's womb. Many things we cannot share because of him being a foster placement. 

One thing I cannot get past is the location of his chromosome loss. Had it been anywhere else in the area where Cri-Du-Chat is located, he would have had a cat like cry. They would have known of this disorder from birth. They did not. This disorder puts him in a special needs category that we said we could not handle. We would have never received a placement call for him when he was detained. He was meant to be our child, regardless of whether we thought we could handle it or not. We had a plan but our God is bigger and His plans are far more beautiful.  I did not sign up for special needs adoption. In fact, I set limitations on it. But today, I am a special needs mom and it doesn't look anything like what I imagined.