On My Mind : Birth Parents

When we talk about being foster parents, one of the first questions or comments most people make are in regards to birth parents. Comments on how much we must hate them. Questions about how we deal with visitations and having to face them.

Before meeting Little Man's birth parents, I feared this so much. I doubted whether or not I could face these people who put my baby in danger. I wasn't sure I could reach out to them the way God calls us to.

I prayed often that God would give me a heart for them before I ever met them. Really before we even got Little Man. God totally met me in that place. The emotions I thought I would feel towards them never arose. The ones that did were not the ones that I would have thought.

First, hurt. The first day I met them, my heart hurt for them. Seeing the uncertainty, the fear and brokenness over having their child removed shook me in a way I never imagined. Their love for their son was written all over them.

My heart ached for them then and it aches for them now. Today I sat back and watched as Little Man danced and jumped around the living room. His joy fills these walls. They are missing that. They have missed every milestone. They never see him smile, hear him laugh or get to snuggle him before bed. How much pain that must bring them.

Second, love. I prayed that God would soften my heart. He went so far beyond that. He has opened my eyes to the life these people have come from. Given me compassion. Helped me to feel a bond and a love I never thought possible.

Lastly, an emotion I can't describe. I don't know what it is. Someone else loves my son. Not like my friends or family love my children. These people love my son like my husband and I do. I know that they are his birth parents. Of course they love him..,I don't know how to explain it but it is a weird feeling knowing that someone loves your child like you do. It's painful. It's scary. It's amazing. It's not something that I can put into words.

Foster parenting brings a lot of emotions. Birth parents are just one aspect. They have been weighing heavy on my heart lately. Maybe because we are moving forward. I'm not sure. Whatever it is, it is a reminder to pray for them often. To pray that God opens their hearts and eyes to Him. That through this, somehow they would find Him. That they would lean on Him when they hurt. To be praying for the words that I will need when Little Man one day asks. To give him a perfect glimpse of their love for him but also the brokenness. To let him see that he is where he should be but also that he is loved by two sets of parents. That even though they hurt him, even though he was taken from them, even though he may never remember them but instead the hurt that they caused, that they are part of his story.