Being a foster mom is a challenging road. I knew it would be. I know what I signed up for and with it comes challenges and heartache. Knowing that heartache is
Nothing bad has happened. It's not that at all. It is the attachment. I love this child like my own. But he is not my own. He has parents. He has parents that I hope to help reunify with him. Even though that is our ultimate goal, reunification, it terrifies me.
Yesterday, Rhiannon was asking questions. Asking if she could see little mans house. Asking if she could meet his other mommy. Asking where his other mommy was. It was so hard to put on a strong face. The questions were just a reminder.
I was praying about this all. Praying that God would help me to not attach so much. I want to be there and to love him with all I have. To show him a home filled with the love of Christ. I want to attach with him and not show him an ounce of hurt while he is here. Even if that means I am heartbroken when he leaves. I am doing this for him and for his parents. If I get hurt along the way, that is okay because I helped them through their trial.
While praying for myself and my fear of being too attached, it quickly turned to thanksgiving. That I am able to be a part of little mans life, even if it is just for now. That I get to help a family. That I can help to put the pieces back together if that is what is in God's plan.
This road is full of ups and downs. Instead of praying for protection of my own heart. I want to continue to praise him for what he is doing in Little Mans life. If I get hurt along the way, God will fill that gap with the joy of knowing that we showed a family the love of our Savior.
Pray for us that we will continue to keep our eyes on the right things. That we remember why we are doing this.
Thanks so much for following along on our journey in foster care. We appreciate everyone of you and all of the prayers that are shining so brightly through this child.
Thank you for sharing your heart. My best friend and her husband are foster parents as well and I have seen firsthand the same struggles you are describing. I commend you for your dedication and selflessness. Press on - I will be praying!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. We appreciate all of the prayers!
DeleteOh my sweet friend! I love you and your littlest man (and the rest of your clan), in which you are caring for and loving oh so much. I cant imagine where your heart and mind are. I know you love him, as I know your family does, he is such a precious wonderful gift from God. Watching you go through this, watching this journey, is amazing me, seeing God work through you and just show all of us how big your heart is, is so cool! Im praying for you and your family! Thanks for being honest and open!
ReplyDeleteLove you friend. Thanks for being so supportive through all of this!
DeleteOh sweet Mama you just broke my heart!! You are doing a selfless and amazing thing and I know that the joys God will shower on you with will outweigh the pain. I admire you greatly!
ReplyDeleteThank you. So much. You are too sweet. I am so clinging to God through it all. I know He is using this.
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