What I can share here is how I am feeling. I am overwhelmed. Now I say that and I know where your mind went. You guys, I am not talking busy, even though I am. I am not talking about fear, even though it rises. I am talking about joy. I am talking about blessings.
I want to preface all of this by saying, foster care is not an easy road. It is not all rainbows and unicorns. It is tough. I think about the way my little man acts in the hours or days following a visit and it is saddening. I think about the twists and turns in his case that make it appear that he may go home and it's scary. Being a foster mom can be really hard at times.
But oh the joy.
Each milestone is so exciting. Watching these sweet babies overcome is exhilirating. Knowing that God is using us to help heal these babies is an honor.
Each trial has taught us to rely more and more on the Lord. Our relationship with Him has grown so so much. He is the rock that keeps us standing.
I have heard so many times, by so many people, things like "I could never do what you are doing", "I don't know how you do it". People, do you know who you are talking to? I am the girl who said she couldn't wait to adopt but would NEVER do foster care. I can not do this alone. I am only able to do this because of God. I am, oh so thankful that He pulled me from that place of fear and equipped me. This life, although challenging brings us so much joy. Joy overwhelming.
I wish that in this spot, I could post a picture of our little man's smile. He moves people. He does something to you. There is something about him...something no one can resist. God is using him. God has a plan. He has a had a plan for this child since before he called us to be his foster parents. God is using us in mighty ways. I am not saying that to boast but to tell you that this road is not all pain and sorrow, it is not all challenges. In fact, most days have no pain, no hardships, just joy.
I have heard a lot lately about kids who are being detained (removed from their parent's care) and have no where to go. There are not enough homes. The stories have been heart wrenching. So many of you have e-mailed me and said you wished you could take them. You wish you could do this.
I am here to tell you, you can! I never thought I could. I never thought I had it in me. But the love for these children takes away all those inabilities. The love of Christ in us overpowers the fear. That's not to say fears will disappear. They are still there, for me at least. What I am saying, is that our God is bigger than our fears. He is able when we are not.
My biggest fear outside of "losing" a child while doing this was loving the parents. <---- Did you know God calls us to do that to? Craziness, right? I'm kidding. Kind of.
Last week after our visit, bio dad said "God Bless you" as he walked out of the room. Because I fought my human self and desire to dislike them, because I chose to love as Christ would love, this man, who weeks earlier wouldn't speak a word to my husband or I, asked God to bless me. I don't know how much he meant those words but I can tell you what they meant to me. Joy. Our God is so big. He is changing hearts and lives. Whether this man changes or not, I know that God has begun moving in him. What greater joy than to know the Lord and to show Him to others.
I don't know where I am trying to go with this post. Maybe one of you needed to hear this. Maybe one of you has had doubts as to whether or not you could do this or if God could use you in this way. Maybe you just needed to hear that it isn't all pain. Maybe you needed just a little push to make the big jump. If that's the case, would you please e-mail me? I would love to speak with you.
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