Lions and Lace

Friday, November 4, 2011

Anger

I always say that I want to be honest here. That I want to be real with my readers. I shared earlier this week about my recent miscarriage.

I told you the basics. The bare minimum.

What I didn't tell you, is that I am a little bit angry with God. That is a lie. I am ticked off!

I didn't feel this way with my first miscarriage. I wasn't angry at all that time around. This is so new to me.

I was fine (anger wise) to begin with. Then I was talking to someone who recently found out she was pregnant. Someone who has NO BUSINESS having children. I know that sounds so mean and so judgmental but I don't say those words lightly. I would share the details and try to persuade you but that would be gossipy and that is not me. So just trust me.

Enough ranting. I was talking to this woman and all I could think was "Really God? REALLY?!?"
There are so many woman who don't want children. Who abort. Who neglect and abuse. And they have perfectly healthy pregnancies. Completely healthy babies. Why on earth does this keep happening to me? Why does my heart have to be shattered again?

I am angry.

I do not blame God. I just don't understand why.

I know there is a plan and a purpose for all things. I just don't get it. I may never get it.

In most things, I am okay with that. I know He is in control. But right here and right now, I am so angry. I want to know why. I want to know the purpose.

Lame!

I hate that I am here, telling the world that I am angry at God. I hate to be vulnerable. I hate to let people know that as a Christian, a woman who loves the Lord, I still get angry at Him. I think people need to know that though.

I will get past this. I know I will. I DO still have faith that God is with me. He is what I am clinging to, even in my anger and hurt. Do not get me wrong in that.

I am doing my best not to dwell on these feelings. I am reminding myself constantly that because of Him and my salvation through Him, I have these precious babies waiting for me. How can I be angry at someone who would offer me that? Someone who despite everything I have done, would prepare a place for me in paradise. Someone who would hold my babies and protect them while they are without me.

Then I am angry with myself... How could I feel this way?

I am so ready to for these feelings to be gone. I am ready to be okay. I know I will always hurt over my lose but I am just ready to be okay.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Wordless Wednesday- Harvest Fest

Little Pumpkins

Hey everyone! Sorry about the lack of Toddler Talk last week or any posts for that matter. It was a a rough week and a bit of a blur because of this and that. I am still having a rough time but have decided that I NEED to pull it together for my kids.

I think that I have done a pretty good job of not letting them be put in the limelight. Making sure they still got to have fun in the midst of what mommy is going through. At least I hope that I have.

Sometime last week, I told you it's all a blur, my friend Gaby and I took our kids to a pumpkin patch. They all had a blast.

We started off at the petting zoo. Lauren loved on the animals while Rhi woke up a little. She fell asleep on the way there and took a while to warm up.

Next up was the bounce house. We laugh at Lauren and Rhiannon. They are such good friends but SOOO opposite. Rhi is a little princess. Timid about everything she does. She is the safety monitor. Lauren on the other hand is the wild child. NO fear. They are funny. They balance eachother.

We talked the girls into taking a couple of pictures before they were right back to running around and bouncing like crazy.

Talon was such a good sport and let me take some pictures of the him while the girls played.

We did convince them to come and take a few pictures all together. If only they would have all looked at the same time. :)

What have you been up to this week?

Monday, October 31, 2011

Faking a Smile

On October 18th, I had my second miscarriage.

I didn't really tell anyone.

I have put on a fake smile and let everyone think that everything is okay, that nothing out of the ordinary is going on.

I was prepping for The Threadery. I was getting ready to see lots of people there. I didn't want the attention. I didn't want the hugs. And let's be honest, I didn't want to hear the things people say to comfort you but hurt you even more.

I kept myself distracted. I kept myself busy. I WAS okay, in a sense.

And then The Threadery was over. And I had time to hurt. And I hurt. I am broken.

My emotions are EVERYwhere. I am sad. I am confused. If I want to be really real; I feel guilty that I can't help thinking about my first miscarriage. The one that happened 5 years ago today. I feel guilty that as devastated and sad as I am now, it fails in comparison to the one I had then. Maybe because I was further along? Maybe because I was more bonded with the baby I had known for longer? I don't know.

Now I sit here aching. I am mourning the 5 year of the first baby that I lost and now I am mourning baby number 2. I am broken.

I wasn't going to share this at all. I didn't want to tell anyone really. A friend told me I should. Not because I am obligated to but because I need your prayers.

You have all been there for me. You prayed with me throughout my pregnancy with Talon and we saw miracles. You showed me more love and compassion after I shared about my first miscarriage than I could have even imagined.

I need you all again. I need to get through this time. I know I will. I have before. But I need to be okay for my kids. I need to not lock myself in my home for months at a time like I did before. I just need prayer.

God has been so faithful and I find comfort in Him. I find comfort in knowing that my babies are with Him.

I will be okay because I find refuge in God but can you all just pray for me and my family?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

THIS Saturday

It's almost here, It's almost here!!!

THIS Saturday is The Threadery. Nicole and I can not be more excited. We have worked so hard on this event. It is something we are seriously proud of and we hope that you will come and share in the fun.

So be there!

Saturday, October 22

9:00 AM- 4:00 PM

505 W. Lambert Rd

Brea, Ca 92821

The location is on the main street and will be easy for you to find. Take a look through our vendors shops and make your shopping lists.

Want more info on what you can expect? Watch here:

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Toddler Talk Tuesday- A Princess Party

People! My baby is 3! When on earth did this happen? I used to think people were crazy when they talked about how time flies and their kids grew up too fast. "Sorry weirdos but time does not speed up when you have kids". But do you want to know a secret? It totally does. Yes, I am now one of those crazy weirdos! My daughter is growing up too fast!!

To celebrate her big day, I wanted to do something like a candyland party. Did you know that at 3, kids have a mind of their own? Well they do and my girl insisted on princess. So princess party it was.

I simplified the look by doing more of a florally fabric and chalkboard look and then throwing in princess here and there. Princess stuff is pricey and this momma is on a budget!

I made lots of bunting and a table runner. Hubby attached short temporary legs to our table and I made little pillows for the princesses to sit on.

For favors I made all the girls crowns. And by girls I mean mommies and daughters. The dads were a little jealous.

The girls ate, played and dressed up. We had cake and cake pops and cupcakes. We like cake :)

{Poor Talon tried to walk with his cake and it ended poorly}

After the party was all wrapped up, we cleaned up to start all over. I have a big family and Rhiannon doesn't like big crowds so separating the two parties was ideal for my little introvert.

We had so much fun at both parties.

What did you do this weekend?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

NEW Dress Line

A few months ago I had an idea for a really fun dress line. I wanted something that I loved but also something that represented where Rock-A-Bow came from. If you don't know the story, the gist of it is this: Rock-A-Bow was inspired by Rhi and a friend, their love for girly and fun. It has now grown into something much bigger than I imagined. Now that I have learned to sew, I wanted to bring back that inspiration of Rhiannon and her little friends. What they love.

I contacted a few of Rhiannon's best friends moms and had them pick fabrics for a dress, fabrics that would best showcase their little girl. I LOVE everything they chose. It is beautiful. I love this dress line. I am so excited to release it. Drum roll please.......

Hopscotch and Lollipops by Rock-A-Bow Dress line

The dresses are now listed in the shop. I advise you all get over there quick. They were on pre-sale for one week and the inside scoop is the orders are going to come in quickly :)

Here are some of my favorite shots from the photoshoot.