Adoption Celebration

Can I just say it one more time? Adoption rocks and we know first hand because we finally got to finalize on our sweet guy. I don't know how many times I can say that before it gets old. I don't think it ever will. We were so excited to celebrate our Little Man.

Through the couple years leading up to it, we had so much support. Beyond our greatest expectation, friends and family stepped up to support us from day one. We were blessed with clothing and formula and basic essentials when he came to us. You never know how to prepare for a foster child until they arrive. There is no way to know what to expect, so once we had him, people rose up and brought supplies.

Since his birth parents were out of the picture in the beginning, when they finally came forward, we were shook pretty hard. Reunification is always the goal in foster care but when it appears to be an adoption, your world is rocked when it looks like it may not be. People came to us and prayed over us...for whatever may happen, that Nixon would be protected.

When things kept stalling, when the process took too long, our support system lifted us up. Assured us that he was ours and that these were just technicalities. They pushed us through when we felt like we were stuck.

Then came the autism diagnosis. We went from a simple, time consuming adoption (with a child who was just a little challenging) to being in the middle of a special needs adoption. Once again, we were met where we were at. We were given advice and resources and safe places to play and be real without worry or judgement.

We did NOT go through this journey alone. We went through it with friends. With many of you. So it felt silly to celebrate alone. We knew it had to be done with the people who went through it with us.

Once again, our people showed up...and kept showing up. The amount of people who came to celebrate our family being official was insane. Even the ones who couldn't make it flooded our phones with calls and texts. The same people who cried during our heartaches, shared our tears of joy.

I cannot begin to put into words how blessed we are by it all. You guys, the ones who keep showing up. The ones who keep pouring into our life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

A Baby Story - Adoption

Every time we have a child I come and share about our birth story. The little details leading up to the moment we first held that little baby in our arms. With Nixon, it wasn't anything like the others.
I was going to come on here today and share what we recently found out about our little man's birth. Like the fact that he was born at 6lb 6oz, the smallest of our babies by quite a bit. Instead, I decided to share the months leading up to his arrival. A "What to Expect While Expecting...a Foster baby" kind of post.

It all started with a call on our lives...
We always wanted to adopt but never though foster care was the route. Not until God put it on our hearts. I mean foster care is messy and scary but God is bigger and His plan is always bigger than ours. So we followed.

The prep was not nearly as long as we had thought it would be. When we decided to dive in we instantly started looking into agencies. We knew from the beginning we wanted to go with an agency vs the county but weren't sure which one. There are so many great agencies in the Orange County/Los Angeles area, if you are local feel free to email me. We will get you resources. I felt totally overwhelmed by the decision and went to FB for input. Within an hour we had talked to people and decided on Serenity Infant Care Homes. This was such a great decision for us. If you are in the area, I would highly recommend them.

The process started with an in home interview. They got to know who we are and what our hearts were.
We took classes at the agencies for 3 weekends, I believe it was. We heard the horrors stories and the victories. We were equipped with tools to face some of the hardest challenges I could imagine as a parent.
From there, came the packets and paper work (which some people did ahead of time but classes were starting right away when we called, so we did that first), Oh the paperwork. We answered questions about our past, present and hopes for our future.

Little Details were taken care of. We had DMV records mailed, a vehicle inspection and were LiveScanned. I think it all cost us around $300. If that. The fees are so minimal with Foster care.

We had a home study where we shared details that only my closest friends know. After answering things about our childhoods, sex lives and everything in between, we were approved as fit to raise foster children kinds of parents.

Then the wait. We heard how many kids entered the system daily. So when the first 24 hours passed, I questioned whether or not they really thought we were fit or if they just said that so I'd leave them alone. Haha.

On day 6, August 22nd 2012, around 10:45am, I got the call. I remember it like it was yesterday. A four month old baby boy. A few details about his case and his parents. We said yes. Well I said yes, Steven agreed after I hung up. Since we are with an agency, they had to call the county to let them know and make sure he wasn't already heading to a different home. 2 hours later, a second call. He'd be in our homes in a few hours.

That evening, a knock on the door. The transporter placed him in my arms and told me "he has a couple bags" and walked to her car. There he was. The most beautiful little guy. We soaked him in, the woman came back, handed us two raggedy bags and had us check him from head to toe. We marked anything wrong. Signed a few papers and she left.

His birth or gotcha day story had 298 days left to be complete. A million hurdles along the way. However, that was the day he entered our lives...for what we didn't realize would be forever.

Adoption Day

 Wow! What a high this has been. As many of you saw, on Friday we adopted our son Nixon. You all have known him as Little Man. I didn't know what to expect when we adopted him. I was told by other adoptive moms that it would be the best day ever. Yet, no one could really describe it.

I know why now. I am feeling what they all felt. The easiest way to explain it is that nothing changed but everything changed.

Over the last 2.5 years, we have loved and cared for Nixon just like any of our other kids. Sure, he had another set of parents that would visit and social workers would come check in on him but it was just a part of life. Then in March of 2013, the birth parents stopped visiting and we assumed that we would be adopting. As time went on we knew he would eventually be legally ours but for the time being it was just unofficial.



For the following months/years, he was just our son. He had two different names he went by and the social workers still came but other than that nothing was different than with our bio kids. So as we entered the courtroom, there wasn't much to really change.

The Fan Club...minus my siblings who were up taking photos

The signature of that judge though, it changed our life forever. This is such a surreal feeling. We have waited so long for this day. We have prayed over this child since before his life even began. He is ours. Forever.

Blooper Reel...when food is being discussed, we get serious.

Foster Care and Adoption can be scary but man can it be awesome. On our drive home, my husband shared some of his thoughts on the actual hearing. The comparison of our relationship to Christ. If I wasn't already a choked up mess. Goodness. I am not going to share any of it but instead have told him that he will be guest posting here on it. In the mean time, here are some photos of our big day.



Also, later this week I will be back with a photo dump of his adoption party. I may be in adoption mode for a while.

Introducing...

Soooo, we have been keeping a secret for a few weeks now. Today, we adopted "Little Man"! This has been quite a journey. We have been through a roller coaster of emotion. There were short periods of time when we thought he would be returned to his birth parents. Days when we didn't know what his future would look like. 

In October, we signed our adoption papers. The end to a wild ride. Again, the emotions were all over the place. My heart broke for his birth parents. I was so overjoyed for our family though. This little man has been such a blessing to us. He (and this journey) have grown me in ways that I didn't realize I needed. 

Today, I am so beyond excited to introduce you to the little boy who has been hiding behind masks in all of our photos. This is Nixon! He is pretty much one of the cutest kids you have ever seen, right?

And since I know that you are just dying to see him grow up over the 899 days that we have had him, we have this handy dandy slide show. Feel free to fast forward at anytime. I know it is long but it was hard to fit all that time in one little video.

If you need me, I will be gushing over our finally official son....and flooding instagram. Make sure you follow me there @vesselhandmade

The first year

Today marks one year since Little Man has entered our life. I remember the day like it was yesterday.

It all started with a phone call.

"Mrs. Murphy, are you ready?"
Uhhhh. yes!!!!!
"We have a 4month old baby boy, here is what we know...."
WE WANT HIM!
"Do you need to ask your husband?"
No. We want him. I don't need to ask. (Don't judge me people, it was my baby I felt it. Hubby understood haha)
"Ok, I will call the social worker and let them know there is a family if he still needs one."

Then we waited and waited. For two hours. Then the call. He would be here is a few hours. So we shopped.

He arrived. Not at all how you expect a child to come. A knock on the door. A child placed in my arms while a woman ran to her car, grabbed a small bag and a stroller. She had us look him over, sign a few papers and left. We didn't even know how to pronounce his name (we weren't even positive until our first visit 3 months later). This precious boy was basically dropped on our doorstep, it was so surreal.

You know that feeling when your baby is first placed on your chest? That overwhelming feeling of love? That is how we felt when handed Little Man. I loved him just like my others. Insane love and attachment instantly. It scared me. He is still someone else's child. He can still leave. But oh the love he will receive while he is here...and forever.

This year has been a beautiful mess.

We have had tears and laughter, sometimes both at the same time.
We've had weekly visits and then none at all. And then the same thing all over again.

There have been court dates and postponements. Oh the postponements.
There have been scary decisions made by a judge whose name we didn't even know. With a lawyer we didn't even know had changed. We have dealt with a broken system.

We have seen his first teeth come in. Watched him learn to roll, crawl, walk run and jump.
We have heard his first words. He calls me mama.

A few family vacations. Lots of fun days. Disneyland. Beaches. Zoos. Adventures.

His first birthday has come and gone. We have celebrated his milestones. His months, year and HIM.

We've watched him fail to attach. We have felt the heartbreak of loving a baby who was too scared of us leaving to really truly love us back. We celebrated a bit, the first time that he cried when we left. He loves us. We've watched him fall asleep numerous nights, knowing he was scared we would leave. We still have these nights. He is attached and sometimes scared.

We've been amazed at how early he learned so much. When he was placed in our home, he could roll to one side. Within weeks he was rolling and crawling. He started taking steps at 10.5 months. He started fully walking on his birthday. We are fairly certain he was walking behind our backs before then. He is a silly little joker.

He has always had the sweetest smile. It seems to get bigger and brighter by the day or maybe even minute. His full belly laugh will melt you but only if you can see his face, because he laughs so hard and intensely he often sounds like he is scream-crying, as we call it.

This boy radiates joy even through his struggles.

This year has been crazy. This year has been joyous. This year has been hard. This year has been fun. This year has been emotional. This year has been amazing.

Little man has grown. He has attached. He loves. He struggles. He clings. He fights. He brings laughter and smiles everywhere he goes. He is amazing.

We have grown. We have attached. We love. We struggle. We cling to. We fight. We laugh and smile. We are amazed at what God has done.

Here we go...

It has been almost a year since we began REALLY talking and praying about adoption. Almost a year since we felt the call to go the route of Foster to Adopt. Almost a year since I have been fighting or ignoring the tug on my heart to do Foster care to adopt.

I thought maybe just maybe, I was hearing wrong. Okay, maybe I knew in my heart all along that this was God and just chose to pretend I was not sure. We all do that sometimes right? Right? I am not the only one am I?

.......

So after a year of playing the good ol' game of denial, I heard God loud and clear. In an audible voice. PS I am not crazy. Before I was saved, before I experienced a real life relationship with God, I thought people were crazy when they said they heard God. Not true. God actually speaks to us, if we are willing to listen.

Okay. I promise. That is my last tangent. Where was I even going with this?

Oh, yes, my conversation with God. I am calling it a conversation because I am a little embarrassed to call it what it was an argument. The "conversation" went something like this.

Major tug on heart once again. Stronger than ever. Telling ME that it is time to do foster/adopt. 

Me: "God, I can't. I think this is what you are telling me to do but I can't. I am too scared. I am not strong enough to lose a baby I love"

God: "You don't have to be. I AM. I am big enough and strong enough to get you through this. Remember your miscarriages? Remember how broken you were? Did I not pick you up and pull you out of that?"

Me: "That was different. When I lost my babies I knew they were going to you. They were safe in YOUR arms. I was okay with that"

God: "So will these babies. I will be with them. Whether they are with you or with their birth moms or another foster home. I will be with them"

Me: "I'm just not ready. Not yet. I will be. I trust you. I'm just not ready yet."

God: "You trust me? Then what are you waiting for? Drop your net and follow me."

Me: "My net?" ::Remembering the story of Simon (Peter) and Andrew:::

Looks like we will be doing Foster to Adopt.

At the beginning of the year we will start the process. We will be filing out paper work. We will be preparing our home. We will be getting ready to welcome hurting babies into our home.

We would love it if you would pray for us.

Pray for our hearts. That the fear of losing our babes will be minimal. Pray that every child we come in contact with would feel our love for them. That each one would be rescued from their pain. Pray for guidance. That we would know exactly where to go and what to do. Just pray.

I am getting excited about this journey. I am still scared. I want to rescue all of the motherless/abused/neglected/hurting babies. I want to sweep them up from the system and give them a forever home. I know that God is going to use us. Whether the first baby in our home stays forever or we take in 25 and they all must leave, I know He has a plan. I am scared but I am done letting that fear control me. I will follow God. I will have a new baby soon. I can't wait to meet them. Eeeek!

Keep praying. Come along on our journey with us and help us to pray and love on any and all of the children that come in our home.

Our Adoption Plans

Since I was a little girl I knew I wanted a big family. I come from a big family. My dad has lots of siblings and so did his dad. In fact when my great grandma passed away her obituary said that she was survived by 317 grandchildren/great grandchildren. That was years ago and I believe the number has grown. Whatever the number may be, it is a blast having so many relatives. I want to continue that. Do I want 14 kids like my great grandma had? No. Well I don't think so. I do know that I want a lot of children.

Steven and I have always said that we would have what we could handle financially. I told a friend the other day that I thought this was God warming me up to His plan. I'll explain later.

As sure as I am that I want lots of kids, I am even more sure that I want to adopt. Again, the number I am not sure. (By I, keep in mind that I mean we, hubby is so on the same page) I am also not sure how we plan to adopt. International (the one thing hubby is not on board with), Local, Private, Open, Foster to Adopt...we just don't know. I love the idea of a baby from Africa or China but it is just not an option for us. For numerous reasons that I don't have time to get into. Remember I blog while my baby is on my lap or napping?

I have always had this dream of adopting a baby by standing outside of an abortion clinic and talking someone out of aborting the beautiful child they are carrying. Telling them that I will gladly adopt the precious life they hold. And although I still feel strongly about doing that or even just having you tell a friend who is desperate that I am here, I think God may have another plan.

You see the past few months the topic of Foster to Adopt has been brought up. Let me tell you how much I hate the idea of this. I just get these images of holding this amazing child that I have had for months and then having someone come in and rip them out of my hands to take back to the mom that abandoned them. Don't read to much into that, I don't think all moms that give their kids up are evil, only the one in my head taking my baby back. However, every time I hear or think about the option of Fostering to Adopt, I feel something pulling me. I don't want to say it is God because I am not positive and I don't want to put words into His mouth. But I think it might be.

At this time in our lives, we could not afford to have another child. We surely don't have enough for adoption. This is where the part about the thing I said before "God warming me up to it". Lately, whenever I say there is no way we could afford to adopt, I feel like God is saying "If you are willing to take a child, I am willing to provide" Not His exact words or even surely His words at all. You see a parent through Foster Care is given money to assist in raising the child. No, this is not the reason I would be doing it. I do not care about the money. It is only enough to help with the child. Key word being HELP. It does not cover everything but it would be enough to make another child affordable for us. Does that make sense? I don't want people to think I want a child for the money, so I really hope that is clear.

Does this make my fears go away? No! Not at all. I am terrified that if we go this route I may have a baby taken back, if not more than one. I am trying to wrap my mind around all of this. I feel overwhelmed. I am not saying that we are going to do this soon or at all for that matter. I want to confirm that this is really truly God speaking before we move forward but I want your input. Sooo...comment here or email me! Tell me your story or of someone you know. I want info and input on our plans.