I'm back!

Well, it has been over a month since I have posted here. It doesn't feel like that long.

I am happy to say that I am feeling human again. Still sick. Sick all the time. But human.

I am excited to get back to blogging. I have missed it. I have some fun projects I am working on that I would love to share. I hope to be able to stay fairly consistent here but no promises.

For now, how about an update?

I am 11.5 weeks pregnant. I am eager for the morning/all day sickness to start fading away. This pregnancy I have been far more sick than the others. Zofran was my bestfriend with Talon, this time, it's a bit of a joke. No relief.
We are looking forward to finding out the gender. I will not be the woman to wait for the delivery room. If you can do that, good for you. Really. I am not that woman. I am the woman who will peek at presents and ruin surprises. I cannot wait.

Things with little man have not changed much at all. In fact we have been at a standstill. The only change that we have seen in progress (of the case, not his birthparents <- that's confidential) is that we now are doing visitations. Court dates have been postponed like crazy and we have no idea where we stand. Which is a difficult place to be. For now, we are loving on him like crazy and we will continue to do so. He is a complete joy to anyone who is near him.

Rhiannon is back is school. It was nice to have a break from homeschooling over the holidays but she was so thrilled to get back to it today. Well, until half way through when she proclaimed "I just wanna play with my brothers!!!"

In the shop...well it's busy. It has been busy since before Thanksgiving and hasn't really stopped. I have not had a chance to restock. We had our insta-sale before Christmas to clear out and I was hoping to open with a fresh new stocked and loaded shop. But our aprons have been such a hit that it is all there is time for right now. It's a good problem to have. Y'all are helping me to stay home with my babies and I cannot thank you enough for that.

We have big plans for this year. Plans for the business and our family and ministry. We are so excited for what the year holds for our not so little family.

How have you all been while I was away? Anything exciting happening on your end?

Thankful

If you follow us on Facebook or Instgram, you have heard all that is going on in our lives.

Things have been moving at the speed of light. Orders flying in. One show after another. Crazy amounts of appointments for little man. An amazing family vacation, where we forgot to rest...

Oh yeah and this...

That's right y'all, we are expecting. I am a little over 7 weeks. We are surprised and THRILLED. The kids may go for blood if it is not a girl.

Life has been great. God is so good.

We had a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. How did you spend your holiday?

Harvest

I have gotten so behind on posting here. I have so many fun things I want to share. A few tutorials, a recipe I whipped up and most of all, I have a ton of posts about the fun we have been having over here.

The most recent was our churches Harvest Fest. So let's start there.

As always, our church put on an amazing event. When it comes to our kids ministries, our church does not mess around. We have an amazing children's pastor and his team is phenomenal. If you are local and need a church, one where you're kids love to attend, email me. Seriously.

Now that I have shamelessly plugged my church :) Let's look at all the fun we had.

 Rhi's Merida costume was amazing. So many compliments on how cute she was and she just loved being her favorite princess. Sadly, my little swat guy wouldn't hold still for pictures. He was so stinkin' cute though, trust me.

 I just read something on Pinterest saying how being a mom makes you feel like a kid again. So true. I love playing games with them. Getting on the floor and in the action.

The kids loved all of the carnival style games. They even brought home goldfish. Yay! Sadly, Merida the fish only lasted a few days and we had to teach Rhi about Toilet Side funerals.

There are so many other pictures that I would love to share with you but we have our little man in them. It was such a fun night with the kids and our friends.

I'm hoping to get a recap of Rhiannon's party up this week. We will see. Just be prepared for some Princess Painting cuteness.

Hatred of Halloween

Costumes and candies.

Trick or Treating and laughter.

Harvest fest. Games. Prizes. Bounce houses and petting zoos.

Halloween/Harvest is a day that brings such joy and fun. For me, it is a day that I am forced to put on a happy face for my kids.

It is the day that my heart physically hurts. Where I feel a sense of longing that can't be filled. At least not now.

I talk about it a lot here. Halloween is the day that my first child went to meet Jesus before I ever had a chance to meet them.

It is the day I learned what loss and pain really feels like.

Some years I feel like having such a significant day being the day of our miscarriage makes it harder. All the very vivid memories flood in. Forgetting the details are impossible. It makes it hurt so much worse.

Some years I love the distraction. Not sure how I feel today. My kids are so excited to dress up and I am truly excited to do that with them but the second they leave the room or it gets quite. I feel like I am going to collapse.

I wish I could explain the pain of miscarriage to those who haven't been there. So many are confused by our pain. Don't understand why we hurt so much all of these years later. Why I cry now that I actually have kids.

I wish people understood why I have to sit in front of a tv eating ice cream and ignoring the world. I wish people understood that I lost a child and not simply a pregnancy.

Right now I just wish this day was over...

Instead, I will put on a smile. Let my kids fill me with joy and remember how God has used this precious child. What a legacy that baby is leaving without ever walking on this earth.

It will still hurt but maybe the sting will be removed enough. Maybe.

Sweet Tooth Safety

The gloom that October brings me has meant two things for this little series.

1. I don't check in often.
I haven't been really posting on the blog. I don't have time and when I do, I just don't feel like doing anything. I hate October. Other than Rhiannon's birthday, that I haven't shared about, this month is nothing but sadness for me. So I neglect the blog and all of the things I know I want to post about.

2. I eat. A lot.
I am a bit of a depression/stress eater. It means bad things for a diet. I have done fairly well considering but the weight isn't shedding as quickly as I would have liked.

So here I am. Finally checking in. With little to no useful info for you all. But I wanted to sign on and let you know I have not quit. Set backs, yes. Quitter, no.

What I can share with you is about not gaining while in a funk.

I have been able to maintain and even slowly lose weight despite the stress and sadness eating. The trick. Don't tell yourself no. Don't make it so you can't eat the things that you need to sit and cry with or the things that bring you comfort. If you are anything like me, if you tell yourself no to a favorite, you will want it more. It becomes the food you sneak. So why not just make it work?

I am a coffee drinker. I love me some Starbucks. I mentioned it in the last post I believe but I have simply been choosing lower calorie options. The taste is a tad bit off but it still meets the craving.

Let's look at the Mocha Frappuccino (this is the part of the blog where you look away if you would like to continue living in denial). The Venti Mocha Frappuccino has a whooping 400 calories. Ouch. That is a third of my daily intake. Not okay. But when we move on to the Light version it is only 190 calories. Less than half of the caloric intake. What the what?!?! New favsie. I can drink this and eat a fruit and we have breakfast. Is this the healthiest option? No, but we will work on healthy when I'm not lookin' for comfort. Don't judge :)

Need a chocolate fix? Go with dark chocolate. Although the calories are about the same, the carbs are not. Now I don't do the no or even low carb diet but when I'm not eating a protein to balance it all out, I try not to eat too many carbs. Makes sense, right? I think so. Haha. Oh and also, maybe it is just me but I feel like dark chocolate tends to be more filling. Don't quote me on that though.

Lastly, ice-cream. Who needs it? Go Fro-Yo.

So those are my tips to losing weight while eating whatever you want.

Mind you, I do not do this every day. It is not a regular thing. But when I need something to meet my "I need sweets 'cause I'm sad and I'm a girl" craziness, these are the options I have used to stay within my limits.

Then it hit me...

Doctors office this is Melissa, how can I help you?"

"Hi Melissa, this is Kristen Murphy, I brought my son in last..."

Heart stops, losing breathe, lump in throat, then tears.

"Ms Murphy, I think we have a bad connection, you were saying you brought your son in, what is your sons name?"

"Umm, he's uhh.. Melissa can I call you right back"

In that moment it hit me, it hit me hard that he is not my son. I clearly have known this all along and have been so good about saying foster child when making our appointments and meetings regarding little man. But I have become so attached.

He is not my son. This beautiful little baby has parents. And I am not one of them. Ouch.

He calls me mama. He's been saying it for about a week. And I feel like his mama. I am his mama for right now. But only right now.

Can I tell you though, as much as this pains me, the blessing far outweigh the pain. Little man has entered our home and brought so much joy. His milestones and development are such a celebration. He is amazing.

Foster care is tough. I won't lie and say its not.

There are more appointments than you would imagine. Weekly visits with our Serenity Social worker, monthly with county workers. There's the doctors visits and therapies. It's a lot.

There is the risk of heartbreak. The pain of knowing he may not always be here. There's the questions from strangers and not knowing how to answer. There's the phone call to a doctor that reminds you he is not yours.

But there is a child. One who needs you. Who was taken from the only place he knew and needed a place to go. Who needs someone not only to take care of him but love him like their own. To be his mama for right now.

As much as it hurts to realize that he may not always be our son, he is right now. This little man is teaching me to love in a whole new way. To love without fear. To love in spite of the cost. What a gift.

Show Schedule

Hey all-

I have been getting lots of e-mails lately about when and where all of the shows that we are doing will be. I thought it would be easiest to post it all here for all of you local readers.

Saturday October 27th-
Product will be at two locations this day!

Queen Bee Aliso Viejo

Aliso Viejo Conference Center

31 Santa Barbara

from 9am-3pm 

 Fall Boutique & Fundraiser

Home Boutique

14715 Ragan Dr. La Mirada

10am-4pm

On the 27th I will only be attending the Queen Bee Market, so if you would like to visit, come on over. My amazing assistant will be managing our mini booth at the La Mirada fundraiser and she will be able to help you with anything you need.

Saturday Nov. 3rd. 

The Market at SCC

Saddleback Covenant Church

23401 Madero Mission Viejo

from 10am to 2pm

Saturday Nov. 10th

Adoption Fundraiser...

Details coming soon

Lastly... 

The Cornerstone Church Christmas Boutique

This is our first annual Christmas Boutique to be open to the public and I am beyond excited. I will give you all of the details soon. ALSOOOO.... if you own a handmade shop and are interested in being a vendor, email me at Vesselhandmade@gmail.com. We are still looking for vendors. This event has been a week long show in the past that goes along with our Christmas Tea. The boutique has always done very well and are excited to open it up this year!