By tonight... I am referring to last night. I chickened out and didn't post this. A friend encouraged me to post it now.
Tonight there have been quite a few blog posts. Posts where people decided to just be honest about their feelings about handmade community and the blog world.
A few of these blogs really spoke to me. In fact I joked with my friend Nicole and said that she had wrote hers for me because she really hit just how I was feeling in that moment.
I have really been struggling with putting myself out there in the blog and handmade world. I am an introvert to the extreme. Being rejected is my number 1 fear and every single day whether it be on my blog or on twitter, I feel rejected. As Nicole mentioned in her post, for all I know people just may not have a response or anything to say but I just feel like it is so cliquey and I am so not in that clique!
I love the people I have met through social networks and blogs. I am also really looking forward to meeting some of them in real life at some upcoming conferences (I am also terrified).
However, I hate the constant feeling of "what do I have to do to make these women like me". How childish do I sound saying that? It is true though. I want so badly to be liked, not for how many followers I have or what items I giveaway but simply for who I am.
I want my blog to be a place for people to come and get to know ME and the things i love. I want twitter to be a place for me and my old and new friends to chat. Right now, it just doesn't feel like that. Right now, it feels like a place where I am constantly trying to keep up. That is not what I want or need for myself.
I am strongly considering taking a break from twitter and maybe my blog as well. Something to pray about. For now, I must sleep. Goodnight and sorry about the rant.
as i told nicole, you are sooo not alone in this. the crazy thing about blogging and twitter is how easy it is to put on a happy face all the time and from the outside looking in it seems like everyone else has the world at their fingertips. it's just not true. we all struggle, we all have our demons, we all have moments of insecurity and frustration. the important thing is to do what is best for you and your family and to be happy being you. my favorite part of blissdom was hearing "YOU ARE ENOUGH." and i feel it is so important to tell every woman i know. SO, kristen, YOU ARE ENOUGH. just as you are. you don't need to be anyone else. you are the only you and as long as you are true to that, you are a complete original, created by God Himself. Hang in there. XO
ReplyDeletei love you friend!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first visit to your blog (found you through Crafterminds...just looking at all of those blogs is enough to overwhelm me!), but I have been there...I started my blog over a year ago, and have gotten so burnt out a few times that I almost quit- but I returned, because I am doing it for ME. Seriously, it would be awesome to have a million visitors a day, but in the end, all I really want is a house full of fun projects that I made myself (or scrapbooks, because that's what I do;), and that I love them, not strangers on other blogs.
ReplyDelete:) http://mbcscrapbooking.blogspot.com
I understand, especially about feeling like you want to be apart of "that group," you want to feel included. I read your blog, and follow you on twitter, and I like both. I like you! I like your blog and your craftiness, and I would so buy your crafty things if I didn't have to pay for pricey nuerology appointments for Noah. Keep it up, people will love you for you. You're such a sweet person, don't worry about being anything other than who you are.
ReplyDelete