Five Tips for Helping Special Needs Kids Adjust During Life Changes

Life changes can be so difficult for kids. Add in special needs and even a good change can become somewhat traumatic. Preparation and accessibility to essentials can be key to making a life change easier to adjust to.

After our recent move went much smoother than we anticipated, I thought I would put together a list of things that worked for us and our little guy. By no means did things go 100% perfectly but his struggles were minuet. We had a few days of him crying that he wanted to go home but in the grand scheme of it all, it went remarkably well. I attribute the success that we did have to some tips we were given and some previous training tools that we implemented.

**Although the things we did were directed towards helping our 3 year old who has autism, it helped with all of our kids, autism and Nuero-typical alike.**

1. Inform of change as soon as possible. For us, it was selling our house and moving to a new home. For others it could be going from one school to the next, having a new sibling, losing a loved one...the possibilities are endless. Whatever the change is, let them know sooner than later. Give them time to adjust and talk about it a lot. If the change is a positive one, help them get excited about it.
For example, we showed Nixon pictures of the new house almost daily, talked to him about his new room and let him know what to expect when he got there. He was able to pick a theme so we talked about his "new monster room" whenever we got the chance. There was no element of surprise. He knew what to expect and when the change was coming.

2. Set the Rules and Remind them often. At least for my kiddo, being proactive is always more effective than correcting and bringing him back from a meltdown. Let them know what is expected of them. When triggers come about remind them of the rule and/or be prepared to intervene. This step can seem tedious but has always worked well in his ABA therapy. It has worked well during our transition as well.

A simple example for us is our stairs. Nixon is a sensory seeker, which means he will get a thrill out of jumping off as many stairs as possible, all while risking injury or giving me a heart attack. He was told right away that he could walk down slowly or crawl on his belly. As he approaches the stairs we simply ask "would you like to walk or crawl?". He knows the choice is his but there are only two options. Mind you he still jumps off the bottom 2 when he thinks I'm not looking. It's a work in progress.

3. As I mentioned before, keep necessities accessible. Whether everything is going to be packed or you will be away from the home a lot, it may be crucial to have certain items handy as much as possible. Special blankets, toys and comfort items can be placed in a separate bag that is grabbed last minute or always thrown in the car and ready when needed.

4. Keep up on routines or schedules as much as you can. There is already so much change happening, if you can keep some normalcy in life, do it! We are not super strict schedule people and that works okay for our little ones. We do, however, use visual schedules throughout our day so that he always knows what is going to happen. Even though our days are always different, he can see what is coming and when. 

He even gets to help lay out parts of the day, which is incredibly motivating for him. On top of just motivating them, giving them back a little control over their world when everything is changing can be a huge help.

5. Lastly, Be willing to make adjustments as you go. Kids all react differently. Goodness, kids change so much daily that they sometimes don't even seem like the same kid from one day to the next. If something isn't working, don't get discouraged. Be okay to make changes where needed. Consistency is key with kids but we also need to know when something is not right for our children. Parenting if tough but you've got this.

Remember, you know your child best. What works for us may not work for your family and that's okay. And of course, cover them in prayer. God has got it in His hands, when we feel like we can't do it anymore, He will take it from there. We are never alone in this.

I would love to hear from some of you on what tips you would give to help out another mama. Leave a comment and let us know.

Remodel

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A couple days ago I gave you a look at the home we purchased 7 years ago. Today, I have the after pictures from the remodeling we have done over the years. It's so fun to see the differences.

We took out the carpet on the patio, made a ton of repairs and repainted the exterior.

Both bathrooms got completely redone. New flooring, even a new actual base floor in this bathroom. New toilets, showers and sink/vanities. The only thing that stayed is a tub in the 2nd bathroom (not pictured here).

The dining room lost the built in China Hutch, Got new wood laminate floors. New paint and a new chandelier.

Just like the bathrooms, the kitchen was gutted. Jail posts and Denny's bar was removed. Drywall put up instead of the paneling. New amazing Stainless Steel counter top was put in because I said I wanted something like the tables at Chipotle. All new cabinets, new counter tops and appliances.

This is the other end of the dining room but you get the idea. New paint, new floors throughout. New Dual Pane windows...and a crap ton of wood work.

The two pre-existing bedrooms got face lifts with new paint, carpet and windows.

Lastly, we added this third bedroom.

Little bit of a difference, huh? So fun going down memory lane. We will be sad to leave this place but are looking forward to what the future holds.

Our House before it was Home

Tomorrow we meet with a realtor to list our current home and buy a new one. With four kids...and hopefully more foster children to come, we need more space and a yard. Oh, how we need a yard.

I thought it would be fun to take a look back at the dump we turned into a home. I am not being harsh people. Just wait.

About 7 years ago, we decided to buy a mobile home as an investment to one day use towards a down payment. In order to make more money and stay in budget (the very small one we had), we bought a dump that was in a really nice park. My dad is an amazing woodworker and dabbles in pretty much anything that would need to be done and agreed to do the work at cost. He's awesome, right? On top of my dad, I have a super handy husband who was able to do a lot of the stuff on his own when he wasn't at work. My brother and uncle also came and helped out with the bigger projects.

All this to say, we looked at this clunker of a mobile home and knew that we could make it work on a tight budget.

Today, let's look at the before pictures. Later this week, after we do the photos to list, I will share those as the afters. The afters of the work and also, it's been lived in for about 6.5 years.

Okay, who's ready for a crazy flash back?

Welcome. We joked that the poor birdhouse was an miniature of the broken down house inside.

 Let's dive right in with a look at the bathrooms. These were the first to be fixed up. We wouldn't shower or use the restroom here until they were. The toilet in this bathroom would sink into the floor if you tried anyway. So much water damage. The stuff in the shower? Parting gifts from the previous owners, I guess.

 The kitchen and dining room are the biggest transformations in my opinion. I felt like I was in jail in there and the Denny's breakfast corner...well that could have been cool if it wasn't crammed in there.

The bedrooms and living rooms had black paper covering all windows and mirrors before we took these photos. One of the brothers (it was being occupied by the deceased owners adult sons), didn't like to see his reflection so it was all covered. Many of the flooring had to be replaced due to water damage from indoor plants.

All in all, it was a mess. Cannot wait to show you our after photos.

See the After Photos Here.

Adoption Celebration

Can I just say it one more time? Adoption rocks and we know first hand because we finally got to finalize on our sweet guy. I don't know how many times I can say that before it gets old. I don't think it ever will. We were so excited to celebrate our Little Man.

Through the couple years leading up to it, we had so much support. Beyond our greatest expectation, friends and family stepped up to support us from day one. We were blessed with clothing and formula and basic essentials when he came to us. You never know how to prepare for a foster child until they arrive. There is no way to know what to expect, so once we had him, people rose up and brought supplies.

Since his birth parents were out of the picture in the beginning, when they finally came forward, we were shook pretty hard. Reunification is always the goal in foster care but when it appears to be an adoption, your world is rocked when it looks like it may not be. People came to us and prayed over us...for whatever may happen, that Nixon would be protected.

When things kept stalling, when the process took too long, our support system lifted us up. Assured us that he was ours and that these were just technicalities. They pushed us through when we felt like we were stuck.

Then came the autism diagnosis. We went from a simple, time consuming adoption (with a child who was just a little challenging) to being in the middle of a special needs adoption. Once again, we were met where we were at. We were given advice and resources and safe places to play and be real without worry or judgement.

We did NOT go through this journey alone. We went through it with friends. With many of you. So it felt silly to celebrate alone. We knew it had to be done with the people who went through it with us.

Once again, our people showed up...and kept showing up. The amount of people who came to celebrate our family being official was insane. Even the ones who couldn't make it flooded our phones with calls and texts. The same people who cried during our heartaches, shared our tears of joy.

I cannot begin to put into words how blessed we are by it all. You guys, the ones who keep showing up. The ones who keep pouring into our life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

A Baby Story - Adoption

Every time we have a child I come and share about our birth story. The little details leading up to the moment we first held that little baby in our arms. With Nixon, it wasn't anything like the others.
I was going to come on here today and share what we recently found out about our little man's birth. Like the fact that he was born at 6lb 6oz, the smallest of our babies by quite a bit. Instead, I decided to share the months leading up to his arrival. A "What to Expect While Expecting...a Foster baby" kind of post.

It all started with a call on our lives...
We always wanted to adopt but never though foster care was the route. Not until God put it on our hearts. I mean foster care is messy and scary but God is bigger and His plan is always bigger than ours. So we followed.

The prep was not nearly as long as we had thought it would be. When we decided to dive in we instantly started looking into agencies. We knew from the beginning we wanted to go with an agency vs the county but weren't sure which one. There are so many great agencies in the Orange County/Los Angeles area, if you are local feel free to email me. We will get you resources. I felt totally overwhelmed by the decision and went to FB for input. Within an hour we had talked to people and decided on Serenity Infant Care Homes. This was such a great decision for us. If you are in the area, I would highly recommend them.

The process started with an in home interview. They got to know who we are and what our hearts were.
We took classes at the agencies for 3 weekends, I believe it was. We heard the horrors stories and the victories. We were equipped with tools to face some of the hardest challenges I could imagine as a parent.
From there, came the packets and paper work (which some people did ahead of time but classes were starting right away when we called, so we did that first), Oh the paperwork. We answered questions about our past, present and hopes for our future.

Little Details were taken care of. We had DMV records mailed, a vehicle inspection and were LiveScanned. I think it all cost us around $300. If that. The fees are so minimal with Foster care.

We had a home study where we shared details that only my closest friends know. After answering things about our childhoods, sex lives and everything in between, we were approved as fit to raise foster children kinds of parents.

Then the wait. We heard how many kids entered the system daily. So when the first 24 hours passed, I questioned whether or not they really thought we were fit or if they just said that so I'd leave them alone. Haha.

On day 6, August 22nd 2012, around 10:45am, I got the call. I remember it like it was yesterday. A four month old baby boy. A few details about his case and his parents. We said yes. Well I said yes, Steven agreed after I hung up. Since we are with an agency, they had to call the county to let them know and make sure he wasn't already heading to a different home. 2 hours later, a second call. He'd be in our homes in a few hours.

That evening, a knock on the door. The transporter placed him in my arms and told me "he has a couple bags" and walked to her car. There he was. The most beautiful little guy. We soaked him in, the woman came back, handed us two raggedy bags and had us check him from head to toe. We marked anything wrong. Signed a few papers and she left.

His birth or gotcha day story had 298 days left to be complete. A million hurdles along the way. However, that was the day he entered our lives...for what we didn't realize would be forever.

Adoption Day

 Wow! What a high this has been. As many of you saw, on Friday we adopted our son Nixon. You all have known him as Little Man. I didn't know what to expect when we adopted him. I was told by other adoptive moms that it would be the best day ever. Yet, no one could really describe it.

I know why now. I am feeling what they all felt. The easiest way to explain it is that nothing changed but everything changed.

Over the last 2.5 years, we have loved and cared for Nixon just like any of our other kids. Sure, he had another set of parents that would visit and social workers would come check in on him but it was just a part of life. Then in March of 2013, the birth parents stopped visiting and we assumed that we would be adopting. As time went on we knew he would eventually be legally ours but for the time being it was just unofficial.



For the following months/years, he was just our son. He had two different names he went by and the social workers still came but other than that nothing was different than with our bio kids. So as we entered the courtroom, there wasn't much to really change.

The Fan Club...minus my siblings who were up taking photos

The signature of that judge though, it changed our life forever. This is such a surreal feeling. We have waited so long for this day. We have prayed over this child since before his life even began. He is ours. Forever.

Blooper Reel...when food is being discussed, we get serious.

Foster Care and Adoption can be scary but man can it be awesome. On our drive home, my husband shared some of his thoughts on the actual hearing. The comparison of our relationship to Christ. If I wasn't already a choked up mess. Goodness. I am not going to share any of it but instead have told him that he will be guest posting here on it. In the mean time, here are some photos of our big day.



Also, later this week I will be back with a photo dump of his adoption party. I may be in adoption mode for a while.

Introducing...

Soooo, we have been keeping a secret for a few weeks now. Today, we adopted "Little Man"! This has been quite a journey. We have been through a roller coaster of emotion. There were short periods of time when we thought he would be returned to his birth parents. Days when we didn't know what his future would look like. 

In October, we signed our adoption papers. The end to a wild ride. Again, the emotions were all over the place. My heart broke for his birth parents. I was so overjoyed for our family though. This little man has been such a blessing to us. He (and this journey) have grown me in ways that I didn't realize I needed. 

Today, I am so beyond excited to introduce you to the little boy who has been hiding behind masks in all of our photos. This is Nixon! He is pretty much one of the cutest kids you have ever seen, right?

And since I know that you are just dying to see him grow up over the 899 days that we have had him, we have this handy dandy slide show. Feel free to fast forward at anytime. I know it is long but it was hard to fit all that time in one little video.

If you need me, I will be gushing over our finally official son....and flooding instagram. Make sure you follow me there @vesselhandmade